Staying in for the big non-event

Apr 12 2008

It's the greatest non-event of all time. And it is all for a good cause - raising money for the Princess Royal Trust for Carers.

What am I talking about? Well, the PRTC's Midlands board have had the clever idea of organising a non-event.

There won't be a gala dinner on June 31 and the Princess Royal will not be attending. And many people across the Midlands have been asked not to participate either; instead to offer their financial support to the Trust.

Those backing it but definitely not going to the non-event, include Marc Reeves, editor of The Birmingham Post, Jerry Blackett, of Birmingham Chamber of Commerce, Sir Adrian Cadbury, Chris Clifford, of the CBI, David Waller, PricewaterhouseCoopers, Diane Benussi, Ed Doolan, Kay Alexander, Bob Warman, Karren Brady, Doug Ellis, John Phillips, of the Institute of Directors, Tim Watts and Lord Jones of Birmingham.

Just to name a few.

Folk are being urged not to book the babysitter and not to buy a new outfit, but instead to rent a DVD and have a fun night in. Or take the dog for a walk.

Instead, people are being asked to donate what they might have spent on raffles, taxis, bottles of wine, tickets ... and so on.

Cheques should be made payable to PRTC and sent to the Princess Royal Trust for Carers (Campaign Board), 100 Icknield Port Road, Edgbaston, Birmingham, B16 0AA.

Some 5,000 invitations have gone out. People can become carers in a moment. A wife diagnosed with cancer. A child born with Down's syndrome. A father develops Parkinson's.

PRTC has 133 carers' centres across the UK including Birmingham, Coventry, Sandwell and Solihull. Carers can drop in or phone for help. Trained support workers are there for them when it all becomes too much. There are almost one million carers in the Midlands.

A third either cut back on food or struggle to pay their essential bills. Many have to give up their job to care for another.

They receive just £48.65 per week as a carers' allowance. Others do a full-time job and then come home and care full-time.

Nearly half a million carers in the Midlands have been treated for a stress related illness such as clinical depression or nervous strain.

This is where "The Greatest Non Event Birmingham Has Ever Known" is looking to make a difference.

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The MAD Club who imbibe at the Meynell Ingram Arms disturb the tranquillity of rural Staffordshire every year by attracting various delinquents and those of a death wish disposition to attempt the Hoar Cross Soap Box downhill.

Well it happened again last Christmas and a staggering £75,000 was raised for Acorns Childrens Hospice.

As communications are a little slow out in the sticks they have only just managed to send the message pigeon to the Post loft.

Nevertheless, Bright doffs his cap to this bunch of reprobates as this is Olympic standard fund raising.

I gather a talent competition is now being planned to further liven up the local social scene - what talent's that then?

Presumably its seen to be less risky than careering soap boxes though with this bunch of rascals I wouldn't bet on it.

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Chris Kelly, joint owner of Metro, the local haunt of the city's business community, has recently been heard bemoaning his age and his reluctance to hit the big 50 next year, especially in terms of his fitness and skiing ability.

"What happens if my body starts to slow down and I can't do what I want to do on the slopes?

"I may need to go shopping for some fantastic skiwear before it gets too late," he says unhappily.

Having seen this photograph, John Bright, god's vicar on earth, suggests that Mr Kelly's first stop should perhaps be Specsavers, not Snow and Rock.

Where are your glasses Chris?

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I hear that Matt Danks, spin doctor extraordinaire at Advantage West Midlands, and very much a townie, has had another bash at going rural.

Once again minding chum Pete Brooke's gaff out in the midst of South Staffordshire and his array of chickens and geese while the big little fella was away with the family in Wales for five days.

He tells Bright: "Sadly, during my tenure at Brookes Towers, one of his five geese fell foul of a fox attack, meaning a 20 per cent reduction in his geese population. Good job he didn't go away for a fortnight to be honest.

"On the bright side, however, Pete reckons that one of the geese has laid eggs and there might be the pitter patter of little gosling feet around the place. Clearly I'm taking the view that this might be my influence as well, it might also help to balance the numbers up a bit!"

Danks, meanwhile, a big Baggies fan is just back from defeat at Wembley but victory over Blackpool.

But the jaunt to the seaside did not run smooth.

He said: "Sadly I have caused myself a rather nasty bruised backside as a result of the rather dated ride called the Steeplechase on the Pleasure Beach. Basically it's a 1970s ride where you sit on a race horse and it takes you over a series of hurdles. Alas, I don't think it was designed for somebody of my build and I'm still suffering when I stand up and particularly when I sit down."

Poor love.

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Birmingham City Council leader Mike Whitby - a passionate advocate of tall buildings - seemingly does not have much of a head for heights.

Bright sympathises because neither does he. Standing on a chair changing a light bulb leaves Bright giddy.

At least Whitby agreed to go up four floors of the new Snow Hill office complex which is rapidly rising into the skies.

Something to do with topping out the building, and the necessity of taking a hoist.

These things are frightening - I've done it. But sadly only going up less than half a building to do the honours just does not come close.

Especially as the floors accountants KPMG are taking run from six to 11.

Hence there was effectively two topping outs.

Whitby doing his bit and KPMG's Mark Hopton who was determined to see his part properly seen to. I mean it's unlucky not to get it right. KPMG could be jinxed for the next 30 years.

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The Princess Royal met mutton dressed as lamb when she visited Birmingham's renowned restaurant Simpsons this week to promote beef.

Princess Anne is president of the Scotch Beef Club and she was in town to help promote the versatility of less well-known cuts like bavette, heel and blade.

One of the guests was John Lamb, media guru at Birmingham Chamber of Commerce and Industry.

When HRH was introduced to Lamb, also chairman of Birmingham Press Club, she was amused when he told her: "I'm afraid I'm English lamb, ma'am."

Undeterred she pressed on and showed a considerable depth of knowledge and passion for fresh, nutritious food. The event was organised by Quality Meat Scotland and Simpsons' owner/chef Andreas Antona was joined by Peter Allen, from Aubrey Allen, and his top butcher Michael Perkins for a demonstration.

Guests, mainly chefs, were shown how the lesser known cuts of beef when properly butchered and in appropriate recipes can take pride of place in any restaurant.

Obviously a steep learning curve for Lamb, who also fancies himself as a dab hand in the kitchen.

The Princess declined an offer to sample a lunch laden with succulent examples of the said cuts because of an engagement with West Midlands Police. Which allowed Lamb and his Chamber sidekick Tony Bell to get their heads even deeper into the trough.

Incidentally, I hear Lamb got the hump with a camel driver on a recent visit to Egypt via Cyprus.

And I have to sympathise with him. Trying to negotiate with these characters when seeing the Pyramids is truly an ordeal.

Still, I'm told the boy stuck to his guns when proffering coins instead of paper money - they're always desperate for dollars.

Told he could take a running jump into the nearest wadi, the camel comedian sensibly took the change.

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Central Television presenter Bob Warman has at last discovered public transport.

It seems he took a bus from Harborne to Birmingham Chamber of Commerce in Edgbaston the other day.

The wags claim it was the first time he had ever been on one, albeit even I can't quite believe that would be true.

The Warman experience goes something like this:

Warman gets on bus.

Warman: "Do I put the money in here?" Driver: "Ugh."

Warman: "Will a pound do?"

Driver: "Ugh."

And amazingly he gets a ticket out and sits down.

But Bob, and all you others who can remember the TV programme On The Buses, I've got a message from you from Blakey.

"I 'ate you, Warman!"