Snow joke when drinks night is off

Feb 12 2009 By John Bright

Snow rage breaks out at Birmingham Press Club.

I mean this is a serious matter – coming between a Press man and his free booze.

What am I on about?

Well only the biggest talking point of last week – the club’s decision to cancel the regular first Thursday of the month Drinks Night.

For goodness sake, men have gone to an early grave for lesser ‘offences’.

But there was Tony Bell, the grandiosely titled ‘secretary general’ of the club no less, informing us all that the event in the Old Royal was off due to “adverse weather conditions”.

Snow to you and me.

“Pathetic!” declared club member Tony Taylor. “Where’s our Dunkirk spirit?”

Where, indeed.

Any sort of spirit would be a good start.

But John Lamb, club chairman, who with his ruddy complexion and bright red nose, looks as if he would battle the worst blizzard, fight the most frozen waste and pole-axe the most ferocious polar bear to get to the drink … is having none of it.

In his email to Taylor of Harborne, the noted pub explorer, he makes the extraordinary claim that too few imbibers would probably have shown up to the dismay of landlord Patrick.

“The portents were that only you, Bell and myself would have been there,” declares Lamb.

Lamb goes on: “We would have to have drank 300 quids’ (Note To Apostrophe Police: Surely apostrophe in wrong place) worth of booze to make it viable for Patrick to open the top bar for ‘free’.”

Now there’s a challenge; just my sort of party.

Still Lamb adds wittily: “The spirit will still be there next week! May it go with you.”

Anyway, they are ‘replaying’ it tonight, albeit not at the Old Royal where the function room is booked.

No doubt slavering ex-journos will be queuing at the gates.

I think I’ll get in the spirit too; mine’s a double brandy.

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There are times when a man has to go the extra mile for the sake of his marriage.

And that is what is facing Birmingham businessman Peter Rees-Steer this Saturday.

Once again, the Englishman will be at the side of his Welsh wife Menna in the cauldron that is the Millennium Stadium.

He tells me: “Following the less than convincing England win against Italy, I have a growing sense of dread about the visit to Wales.

“Add to this the fact that Menna and I will be there in Cardiff on what is – let’s not forget – Valentine’s Day, and I think you’ll get where I’m headed.

“Devotion beyond the call of duty I would think: we’re going to get battered, and yet I’ll still be there and hopefully, for the sake of our relationship, still speaking to the good lady.”

Mind you, it could get worse.

He could get mistaken again for actor Rhys Ifans who played Hugh Grant’s flatmate in Notting Hill.

Last time the crowd were asking for his autograph.

And his final mournful word?

“You never know, maybe England can win …”

Don’t be silly, Peter.