John Bright picks up the stories from MIPIM
Birmingham’s sojourn down to MIPIM this year got off to a diversionary start before the press crew, ageing hack Andy Skinner and snapper “the hapless photographer” Tony Flanagan, had even landed in the south of France.
First of all bmibaby changed their hand luggage rules without telling anyone (“Well, sir, it’s been on our website all week” – really useful when you booked your return flight last May in order to save money!) and Skinner, who has toted his “office”, a computer bag on wheels, around the world as hand luggage on every airline you can think of, is stung for a further £20 before he is allowed on the plane.
Flanagan flatly refuses to let his camera gear go in the hold and has to unpack three bodies, six lenses and four flash guns and drape them round his neck before boarding.
He looks like some demented member of the paparazzi but apparently this is “allowed”.
Then, as they are halfway down France, comes one of those announcements that sends a chill down your spine – “If there is a doctor or a paramedic on board would they make themselves known to one of the cabin staff”.
And with that the soothsayer also known as the wife of Deloitte partner George Campion starts a series of predictions that come to pass with frightening regularity.
“I expect they will have to divert somewhere,” she says, and sure enough so they do.
To Lyons, where armed police, (oh and about six medical staff too) meet the plane. A French special services gorilla who makes Desperate Dan look a bit effete, bounds up the step.
“Est-il dangereux?” he demands of the staff. “Not very”, comes the reply from a passenger pointing at the poor invalid who has gone the colour of yesterday’s porridge and is looking decidedly peaky.
In the event he is whisked off in five minutes but it takes a further hour and three quarters to refuel, file a new flight plan and eventually receive clearance for take off.
Still it kept Flanagan and Skinner out of the bars for one night which means Cannes will probably have to file for Chapter 11 protection.
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Meanwhile at MIPIM itself, the mood is sombre.
Even Inspector Clouseau couldn’t find a Champagne flute…no bubbly on public view this year!
The tone was set by Paul Bacon, urbane Milan-based CEO of property consultants Cushman & Wakefield, who are looking to grow in Birmingham.
“Thank you for inviting us on to your yacht,” says Clive Dutton, head of regeneration and planning at a breakfast meeting with C&W’s top brass.
“Our boat, we prefer to call it a boat,” says Bacon.
Apparently the “Y” word is banned this year, although the likes of Manchester and Nottingham are ensconced on what can only be politely described as “very big boats”.
David Bucknall wasn’t hanging around for anyone at MIPIM.
The 71-year-old chairman of Rider Levett Bucknall was out for his regular run before 7am every morning and those lurching down for breakfast, the considerably younger set, circa 8am were greeted by the showered and dressed Bucknall ringing out his washed tee shirt and hanging it over the balcony to dry.
Aforementioned Clive Dutton agrees to take part in a Pecha Kucha session which sees him presenting to a world audience at an informal creative gathering after midnight.
Pecha Kucha is apparently a Japanese idea where you are allowed to make a presentation of 20 slides that will show for no more than 20 seconds each.
You are expected to be both witty and creative in order to hold your audiences attention and Dutton has done a clever presentation involving film posters that take you through the downturn and on up into the sunlight.
The French navy has turned up to give delegates a feeling of security. Their ship in the bay is meant to the latest in stealth design.
“Not very good, is it, that stealth frigate,” observes one Black Country voice. “You can see it easily enough!”
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Also seen around the Birmingham stand is Charlotte McCarthy, marketing and PR doyenne of St Modwen.
Stand staff notice with interest how her shoe heel size increases day by day as MIPIM progresses as she realises stilettos are not the best kit for a day on a concrete floor.
And added to the list of banned words at this year’s MIPIM alongside “yacht”, “Champagne”, and for “party” read “reception” – “Boris”.
For several weeks the Birmingham stand diary had included an entry “visit by Boris Johnson” but it seems that nobody thought to check with Boris’ team nearer the time and he instead chose rather selfishly to launch the London stand at the same time.
So rather like the Germans episode in Fawlty Towers, the Birmingham contingent were tip-toeing around saying “Don’t mention Boris – I did once, but I think I got away with it!”
