Giving Gordon the send-off he truly deserves
We’ve decided that Fridays – with the prospect of a well-earned weekend off – ought to be a day when we try and cheer everybody up with a few gags.
So enjoy Friday fun time …
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At last Gordon Brown decided to throw the towel in and resign.
And in a fit of magnanimity his cabinet colleagues decided it would be a worthy gesture to name a railway loco after him.
To this end Harriet Harman was despatched to the National Rail Museum at York to investigate the possibilities.
“We have a number of locomotives at the NRM without names,” Harriet was told by a museum staff member. “Mostly freight locomotives though,” he added.
“Oh dear, that’s not very fitting for a Prime Minister,” said Harriet.
Pointing to engine No. 4472, she asked: “How about that big green one over there?”
“That’s already got a name,” said the staffer. “It’s called The Flying Scotsman.”
Not to be outdone, Harriet exclaimed: “You could always rename it, after all this is a national museum funded by the taxpayer!”
“I suppose it might be considered,” he replied.
“That’s excellent,” said Harriet. “How much will it cost? We can’t spend a great deal, given the MPs’ expenses scandal.”
He thought hard and long, and then responded: “Well, we could always just paint over the F.”
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After 20 years of marriage a couple were lying in bed when the wife felt her husband begin to fondle her in ways he hadn’t for quite some time. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back.
He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly working his hand down over her breasts, stopping just over her lower stomach.
He proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, smoothed past the side of her breast again, working down her side, passed gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and started to watch TV.
As she had become quite aroused by this time, she asked in a loving voice: “That was wonderful. Why did you stop?”
He said: “I found the remote.”
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I was in the pub yesterday and, whilst standing at the bar, I suddenly developed this overwhelming, desperate need to pass wind.
The music was really loud, so I timed my “releases” with the beat and “peaks” in the volume. After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my pint and as I went to leave, I noticed that everybody was staring at me.
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod ...
