It has been suggested that I “get rid of cheap fast food chicken outlets in Birmingham.” This is a subject close to my heart. The proliferation of nasty deep-fried poultry sinew take-aways needs to be addressed both from a public health angle and from the perspective of the damage being done to traditional cooking skills in this country.
Another tweeter said I need to “do something about Mr Egg.” This established greasy spoon cafe has had a chequered recent history, a former manager being jailed for running amok with concentrated vinegar. The place isn’t what it used to be.
I also believe there is huge potential for the idea of a “disco on every corner,” which comes from @nicolafm. (I don’t know her either, but according to her photostream on Twitter she likes boiled eggs and soldiers, so she’s very much on message.)
The idea of more discos appeals hugely. Not only is disco arguably the greatest music genre ever, but a love of it necessitates dancing – again a public health “quick win” both for physical health and mental well-being. A disco inferno is the low hanging fruit of political expediency. Together, we will dip a hip under the glitterball – and burn, baby, burn.
For these reasons, I am happy to declare that a war on nasty fried chicken outlets, solving the riddle of Mr Egg and the provision of street corner discos (subject to full neighbourhood consultation) will be addressed in my “First 100 Days” (should I stand – and should I win).
Such is the importance I place on the disco policy that I personally plan to lead the Bring Disco To The People Implementation (“Good Times, These Are The Good Times, Leave Your Cares Behind”) Working Group. I plan to make approaches to Chic’s Nile Rodgers.
Make no mistake, I will assemble a team of all the talents. I have taken early soundings from chef Glynn Purnell who has expressed interest in being part of my gastronomy advisory team. Purnell is being earmarked for a roving ambassadorial role (southern hemisphere).
There is no political machine behind me. I have no political endorsements. What you see is what you get. I go into battle with “the simple sword of truth and the trusty shield of British fair play.” (I think the bloke who said that got into a bit of trouble.)
Arrayed against me are the heavyweights of the Left – Siôn (pronounced Shaun – I know, why?) Simon, Liam (“There’s no money left”) Byrne and Ms Stuart (who, annoyingly, doesn’t appear to have done anything silly). Who knows if President Mike Whitby will stand for the Tories.
Let there be no doubt, in the words of the Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes duet: “The road is long/There are mountains in our way/But we climb a step every day.” Birmingham, I will be your officer – and your gentleman. If you need me, I will serve.
God bless Spaghetti Junction.