Clive’s plans for Spaghetti lights are pasta joke
Is Clive Dutton, Birmingham City Council’s director of regeneration and planning, working a little too hard?
I ask since Dutton has been talking about his typical day, which starts at 7.15am, can go on to 11pm and is interspersed with 20 meetings.
Top tip: cut the number of hours in half, have no more than two meetings a day, and you’ll get more done.
He’s been burbling about a barmy plan to bathe Spaghetti Junction in floodlighting so it can be “seen from space”.
The Chinese are to blame for the myth the Great Wall can be seen by astronauts. It can’t. At least, not from space.
And if there was a Birmingham landmark worthy of illumination, surely it would not be the bleak Junction 6 of the M6 – a gyratory system whose main claim to fame is an uncanny ability to cause traffic chaos.
Another Dutton idea is the “airwaves are intercepted” so people have programmes on car radios intercepted with “Birmingham culture”.
A welcoming message from Mike Whitby, perhaps? As I said, Clive has been working too hard.
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The duties of Len Gregory, Birmingham cabinet member for transportation and street services, are wide.
They include responsibility for the cleaning of privvies and the emptying of cesspools, according to a report to this week’s council meeting.
You’d have thought cesspools would be more the bag of cabinet housing member John Lines.
Anyway, Gregory probably gets someone else to do the dirty work for him.
Gregory is also in charge of Birmingham’s cemeteries and crematoria, which are failing to hit expected profit targets on account of people thoughtlessly living longer and refusing to die.
Gregory told the council a “permanent solution will need to be identified”.
Crumbs. Len Gregory and the final solution.
Can I suggest a careful eye is kept on the standard of food at the council’s remaining old folks’ homes?
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Licensing committee chairman David Osborne is very angry indeed.
You see, certain journalists have been spreading “malicious gossip and rumours” about the council ordering Birmingham’s taxi fleet to be painted yellow, New York-style.
This failed to impress cab drivers, who are not known for a willingness to embrace change. Some even went as far as to shout their displeasure at a public meeting.
In order to clear up matters, Osborne explained what is really happening.
“At no point was it ever suggested that drivers would be required to re-spray their current vehicles, but a phased introduction as vehicles are renewed might be possible.”
So there you have it. Birmingham will have yellow taxis, but not just yet.
n By Paul Dale
