Chris Upton: My first taste of a snowbound traffic jam
Dec 24 2010 By Chris Upton
I’ve never been stuck in snow before. I am, though, a veteran of the oft-repeated footage of line upon line of cars and lorries stuck on an iced-up motorway.
“I’ve been here for 18 hours,” says the first lorry-driver lolling out of his cab window, “and we’ve moved six inches”.
Or if he’s a Continental lorry-driver, 14.4 centimetres.
“Where are the gritters?” asks the second indignantly.
“I’m stuck behind all the lorries,” says the gritter.
Silently I always ask them: Why on earth did you even set out, knowing what the conditions were like?
Do you or your company never read the weather forecast? In my heart of hearts, however, I know that this could easily be me, and that, once in one’s cosy automobile, one feels strangely immune to the vagaries of the climate.
On Saturday afternoon, just to feel part of the whole British winter thing, I got stuck in snow-bound traffic.
In Birmingham the snowflakes plummeted from mid-morning, such that, by 1pm, they were lying, deep and fluffy, to the depth of five inches or so. Paradise Circus to Bristol Street took about 20 minutes, probably no more than usual for the big, pre-Christmas Saturday shopping frenzy.
It was the rest of the journey – from Bristol Street to the Belgrave Middleway island – that took the two hours.
There’s little to do in these circumstances but people watch. I saw one man, waving his arms like a maniac, attempt to drive up onto the grass to escape. He got stuck. One woman had time to pop into the mosque, say her prayers, and rejoin her vehicle in exactly the same place.
And then, as we finally approached the Belgrave island, the strangest thing. There were two vehicles stuck at the top. One car with rear-wheel drive was spinning like a top, and a Blood Transfusion Service van was similarly going nowhere fast.
Beyond this, at the island itself, the roads were deserted. The lone and level snow stretched far away. Nothing was coming or going. It was like Addlestrop in winter.
All that sound and fury had, apparently, signified nothing.
* Dr Chris Upton is thawing out at home. Collecting his marking from Newman University College will have to wait
