New MPs in mood for jokes, flies and files

May 27 2005 By Jon Walker, Birmingham Post

MPs have revealed they are descended from royalty and have a taste for dead flies, in the House of Commons.

Parliament is busy dissecting the Government's plans for the next 18 months, as they take part in a lengthy debate on the Queen's Speech.

Days are given over to specific topics, so that on Wednesday MPs argued about the economy, while on Tuesday it was health and education.

But every so often, there is a bit of light relief.

One of the new intake of MPs will pop up to make what is known as a maiden speech - their first speech to the Commons.

The rules are fairly strict. While the more experienced MPs will have been arguing about the best way to run a hospital or whether interest rates are too high, the new boy or girl is supposed to say how wonderful their predecessor was, educate their colleagues about their constituency, and tell a few jokes.

Robert Flello, the new Labour MP for Stoke-on-Trent South offered an account of the election, when Mr Flello and Labour activists subsisted on Eccles cakes, "or, as they are affectionately known, dead-fly pies".

And there was also an account of the contribution Stoke has made to the world, from Reginald Mitchell, designer of the Spitfire, to Motorhead's Lemmy, Slash from Guns 'n' Roses and Robbie Williams. Not to mention Sir Stanley Matthews.

Yardley MP John Hemming, a Liberal Democrat, offered a short history lesson, explaining that Birmingham was a city of immigrants.

He said: "I come from a family of immigrants, but we invaded - as Vikings - in the year 600.

"Everyone knows about King Offa, but he was a descendant of the Danish king, Hemming."

If the ancient Hemmings had got their way, the Midlands would be the capital of England, he said.

"This place would be in Tamworth and we should have much better parties. In Birmingham, we know how to party."

Daniel Kawczynski, Conservative MP for Shrewsbury and Atcham, must receive a poor grade in the "paying tribute to your predecessor" category.

The best he could manage for Paul Marsden - the former Shrewsbury MP who switched from Labour to the Lib Dems and back to Labour again - was this: "I gave a great deal of thought to what I could say about him. But I can genuinely say that I always found him to be extremely polite and friendly, and the handover of files has been done professionally."

However, he was kinder to another Labour supporter - Leo Blair, his constituent and Tony Blair's dad.

"I do have one ally who is a constituent and close friend of mine. I have had tea with him on a number of occasions and my wife and I have been invited to dinner soon. His name is Leo Blair, and he is the Prime Minister's father."

Dudley North MP Ian Austin (Lab) told MPs about Dudley's history, including the castle and unique fossil collection. But he had his priorities right, inviting MPs to come to Dudley for a drink.

Read previous Jon Walker columns at www.icBirmingham.co.uk/post/walker