My ship came in on Saga Rose
David Faers eats, drinks and trips the light fantastic on board the Saga Rose...
Ready for a confession? This is not a phrase that this particular Peter Pan thought he would ever commit to a keyboard but here it is: cruise holidays are great.
There. It's out there. What a relief. After decades of regarding cruises as a restrictive, snooze-inducing term in a luxury lock-up, this time-served traveller is pleased to report he got it wrong.
Conversion came courtesy of Saga Rose and a five-day Mediterranean cruise blessed by soft late autumn sunshine, embarking at the Sicilian port of Palermo and disembarking at Alexandria for a whistlestop tour of Cairo.
By the time we had stepped aboard, our fellow passengers had been aboard for a week and clearly regarded this elegant lady of the seas as a home from home. And home it is for 21 days, sailing from Southampton to Egypt via Cadiz, Sicily and Heraklion and then back again, stopping on the way at Benghazi, Tripoli, Malta and Lisbon.
Indeed many of the passengers had been aboard before, perhaps cruising the picture postcard fjords of Norway or basking in the warmth of the Canary Islands.
It's no surprise to learn that the classically-styled Saga Rose is a firm favourite with this specialist t ravel company's mature clientele.
As a ship that first set sail in 1965, she is perhaps best described as a lady of a certain age, one that has looked after herself and exudes classic chic.
Like every stylish woman, she has some expert help, of course - in this case the ever-busy Filipino crew, who can be spotted here and there touching up paintwork and completing what must be a never-ending list of maintenance tasks.
Refurbished in 2003, she has plenty of spacious public rooms including a grand ballroom and comfortable, air-conditioned cabins - in our case, up on the terraced officers deck, even including a sun terrace.
First impression is that the broad decks and corridors go on forever but it doesn't take long to get your bearings and there are plenty of crew members to point you in the right direction if you do get lost.
After a day or so aboard, a daily rhythm seems to establish itself with mealtimes forming the backbone of what seems like a smorgasbord of time-consuming options.
The food, it must be said, is excellent. God knows how many calories this constant grazer packed away in less than a week on board but regular mile-long walks around the promenade deck and occasional visits on the onboard gym did at least help to ease the guilt if not the waistline.
Mooching about on deck with the sea breeze blowing on your face and nothing else in sight but the sea and a clutch of cotton-wool clouds is a remarkably relaxing way to spend time - especially for those time-poor adults whose everyday lives revolve around the work-sleep-eat-spend-some-quality-time-with-the-rugrats routine.
Sometimes it takes a stint as a passenger on a floating hotel like this to re-acquaint you with the luxury of doing what you want to do, when you want to do it.
A typical day at sea goes some-thing like this . . . take early morning tea on the lido deck as you cruise towards a new port.
Burn off some of those surplus calories from last night by hiking round and round the aft - spot the nautical term - promenade deck at a muscle-stretching pace.
Get overtaken by one of the remarkably lithe young dancers who has swapped last night's spangly outfit for trackie top and bottoms.
Spend 30 minutes emailing friends and family from the computer learning centre. Yes, I know, it sounds a bit too much like the day job but instant two-way bulletins between you and folks back home are a lot better than buying postcards and stamps and failing/forgetting to pop them into the snail mail.
Settle down in deckchair on the lido deck and have prejudices about modern society confirmed by reading several chapters of Lynne Truss's rant, Talk To The Hand.
Succumb to sweet-talking crew member's suggestion and down an ice-cold Cuba Libre. And another one.
Disappear below deck for a pore and soul-cleansing sauna and relaxing massage.
Lunch, then meet the lovely Tanya on the sun deck for quick game of quoits; retire to officers' deck cabin (great view beyond the lifeboats) for well-earned nap.
Wake 90 minutes later, just in time for afternoon tea and a belly-busting selection of cakes.
Back to cabin. Shower, shave etc and dress for dinner. Tonight is a special night because it's a captain dinner, which means that the normally casual dress code is a little more formal. Nothing over-the-top - lounge suits for guys, tie optional; cocktail dresses for the girls - but, like all the passengers, we savour the sense of occasion and join in the spirit by dressing up.
Meet in North Cape Bar for pre-dinner drinks and then dinner in the elegant dining room. Several nights on board certainly bear out Saga's bullish promise about dinner being the highlight of the day.
It's not just the excellent cuisine that makes evening meals aboard so special. The polite, friendly and attentive staff who make the effort to get to know you by name, the immaculate white linen and sparkling silverware all combine to create a ultra-pleasant dining experience.
The high ratio of 350 crew to 587 passengers means that you can always rely on attentive, yet unobtrusive, service from the crack of dawn to the wee small hours.
Ten o'clock and a quick dash to the grand ballroom for an all singing and dancing 42nd Street showtime, accompanied by the Saga Rose Orchestra.
Late-night snack - well, it has been almost two hours since our last meal - in the Lido Café, followed by a few more late-night drinks and late-night secret sharing in the Polaris nightclub. And so to bed.
This routine is punctuated by pleasant stops at a succession of Mediterranean island and coastal ports - in our case Crete - which give passengers a chance to stretch their legs on dry land and get a quick fix of ancient history.
Alexandria, where we wave goodbye to the Saga Rose and a life of elegant luxury, involves a two-night stop in port and many of the passengers unsurprisingly choose to join the shore excursion to Cairo and the awe-inspiring Pyramids of Giza.
For once, the reality lives up to the hype. The pyramids are awesome, first glimpsed on the night of our arrival during the famous Sound and Light spectacular and up close and personal the following day.
You can't, for obvious reasons, climb up these mighty monuments but even placing your hand on the ancient stones somehow puts you in touch with the past in a way that not even the slickest computer-generated graphics or most talkative TV presenter can.
An overnight stay at Le Meridien Pyramids also allows you to take in the hilltop Mosque of Mohamed Ali, with its breathtaking view over the city, the Archaeological Museum - worth the claustrophobic queuing if only to see the Tutankhamun - and an evening sunset cruise on the Nile.
Queuing to board our British Airways flight home the next morning, a few memories float to the top. The pyramids, a relaxing hour or two drinking local beer. But most of all, the rather quaintly traditional life on board the Saga Rose.
